May flew by.
Last month I was worried about my unemployment situation. Now, I am 1 day away from starting a new (short) journey. I wonder what will happen after 6 months.
Best case scenario : Converted to Perm with a half month AWS
Worst Case Scenario: Back in the job market looking for a permanent position.
One year ago when I joined GB, I was very happy that I got a 35% pay rise (well not really, if you factor in AWS & VB, but considering I rather had a high monthly basic so this was a good jump, so I can ask for higher pay going forward). Then I ended up in NF, almost 100% increase in my salary.
Within a year, I went from contented to a level where I never thought I would have reached at my age. Unfortunately, I did not treasure it enough. Maybe I should have suck up more to the people I worked with. Maybe I should have tried harder.
Maybe.
But the 8 months with them was indeed amazing. I traveled to places I never thought I would. I met and worked with amazing people. I stayed in beautiful 6 stars hotel. It was a great exposure.
However, falling from such heights was hard for me.
I felt depressed. Perhaps not as depressed as when I was struggling to meet the expectation from my manager. I fell defeated and inadequate. I feel myself not being able to tell people I have fallen, even though they do not judged.
One year later, I am back to square one. Back to the ordinary path. Back to being ordinary.
I always wonder if I am asking for the sky.
Why am I so hard to be contented as compared to as I was in SH? Is my world bigger now? Am I being too unrealistic? I really dont know.
Who am I afraid of to judge me? I think I am the only person judging myself. I just cant get over it.
Many people, including B told me that the salary I am drawing is above average. But why is that I still feel inadequate?
And now that I see there are people around me facing more challenging issues in life like divorce and breakups, I wonder, in comparison, which is worst? A failed career or a failed relationship? I think many of you will say the lather.
In any case, I am just glad that I am going back to workforce after 6 months. Sad to say I dont think I have achieved much during the 6 months. I spend most of them having fun and recharging. Now that I m going back to 9 - 5, I am having anxiety.
I hope things will still be good after 6 months.
B is doing well and I hope we will both do well together. Slowly, but surely, I will want to reach a new height again in 2 years time. By then, will I already have plans to have kids? I am not sure. Definitely not now.
Will I ever reach the new height again? I definitely hope so.
