♥ *+ OuR StoRy +*

♥ 20130923

My Simple Life ♥

Its been a while.

suddenly feel the need to write as i can feel immense pressure piling down on my shoulder.

going through a really rough period at work. the good news is, we are half way through, the bad news is, we are still half way till e end of this period. budget will end ard oct 15. after that i will be taking a trip to europe w my parents. its my first time to europe, or rather first time travelling out of asia. i m not feeling the excitement that i shd be feeling.

i feel depressed.

i feel depressed because, i got rejected again by this company i have applied for the 3rd time. but if i tink about it carefully, i wasnt really dying or looking forward to join them, but i forced myself to think i was because i know i just want out at my current place and i know i have a familiar face in that company.

i am really unhappy working here.

sometimes i wonder is it me?

B reminded me that i also wanted out when i was at my previous job. Gwen told me its normal, u just gotta find the right one. but i m in a dilemma - if i stay, given the unfair appraisal given to me last yr, i m not sure when i will be getting my next promotion and i think i am underpaid. but if i move on, it will look bad on my resume because all my tenures are between 1 - 3 years.

looking at everyone ard me. i think alot of my peers are doing well. but i read this article saying that i m being taunted by this : Facebook image crafting, where most of the "friends" on FB are potraying an "inflated" image of their existence, making people like me feel small. :(

sometimes i do feel useless, or rather i feel i could do better, because i m 28, my dad is still working to provide for the family. we are not rich, neither do we have trouble making ends meet. you can tell by the Europe trip we are taking in November.

So, i actually shouldnt have much of an issue if i 1) stop comparing myself w my peeres 2) stick ard and wait for the day to come.

But on top of all these, something that has been weighing heavily on my mind is that B isnt doing exactly well in his current job, which happened like 2 months ago.

talking about this i m really really pissed. i feel that this guy he is working w right now, keeps on taking B for a ride. i always have reservations for this guy, because he just seem v sneaky to me. someone who will cover his own ass at the expense of others. Of cos, that is necessary for people like him to be ahead of other people. i am always wary of him, but since i think B trusted him alot i didnt say much.

please dont paint a rosy picture to others and give pple hope only to destroy it within such a short time. so much about "if u want to get married, this is the job that u shd be doing". B keep telling me i shouldn't blame him at all, because its about "making use of each other".

I feel the worst thing than having no hope is to have false hopes. he has been let down by this Ahole , twice this year. i dont know how things will end this time. but i just feel v sorry for my baby..

i believe and know that he is capable of doing alot of things. he just lacks the opportunity and motivation. as a boss i dont c how he was motivating him and being so new in the industry, dont just throw him there n die please. he shd really know what to expect when he rope him in for this. 2 months is too short to see anything and its really unfair. and somehow i always feel he favour C more, which i dont understand and have never mentioned that to B lest he gets upset

its hard for him not to feel disgruntled and frustrated now that he may be back at zero again. we are back at zero again when i tot we are one step closer to settling down.

i am not disappointed, but i just really want him to be happy. sometimes when i look at him these days, i can tell how lost and emotional he is although he keep telling me hes taking it easy. :(

but yet there is nothing i can do to make him feel better . sigh. my presence is probably just a comfort for him. i know he wants to provide me a comfortable life if he could. i m sure it doesnt feel good feeling like he has not achieved anything at this age.

i want to hug him very much and tell him its ok! but we both know its not. its an ego thing.

i cant discuss this w my friends as well, because, i m sure everyone would judge. i look ard everyone's bfs and they are mostly like salary man, and that's deemed as the standard. only that can be deemed as honest, reliable man. But whats wrong with knowing what you want and aim for it? at least he dare to dream~ and he tries.

i just hope he can pick himself up and start afresh in 2014, and everything go smoothly for him.

no matter what happens, i know i want to stick this out w him.

at tough times liek this, when i have so much negativity, i can only draw some positiveness from Mayday. (that explains the title of this post).

I know it sounds really cheesy and i hope i dont sound like justin bieber fan. but Mayday really gave me strength in their songs..although when i looked back at their videos, i realised Ashin was singing w so much passion as compared to now, more focus on looking all suave and perfect. :( abit losing the rock star calibre here, but i still love their songs, the lyrics are always so meaningful..

生存以上生活以下 kind of sums up my feeling tonight, feeling resigned to life.

连刷牙也照著节奏冲了马桶洗了脸上的疲倦泡沫

没有梦昨夜没有梦镜子里的陌生人已经不再做梦

上课钟变成打卡钟单行道般的人生流失在车阵中

进行曲规律的平庸活的像是一句标语压韵而服从

午餐是随便还是都好还是跟你一样的任何一种

奇怪呢很久以前我是很有想法主见心跳很执著

伤心再也不吹风现在只害怕伤风耽误了谁和谁的要求

一天一天看日升日落看月圆月缺年复一年的经过看谁把我变成现在的我

怕潮起潮落怕患得患失错了又错的疼痛终于我的生命只剩生存

活著只会呼吸吃饭喝水的生活

小时候只要看天空枕著白云就觉得全世界都拥有

长大了拥有的更多为何感觉到越来越匮乏越贫穷

那一年只追逐自由现在只能追逐著涨不停的石油

是不是地壳又震动要从家里震落才悔恨这样生活

生活的反面会是死去还是这般生存不再有冲动

闭上眼就能感觉生命正在一分一秒飞奔远离我

还不如一只昆虫至少能破茧展翅飞向那被夺走的天空

一天一天看日升日落看月圆月缺年复一年的经过看谁把我变成现在的我

怕潮起潮落怕患得患失错了又错的疼痛终于我的生命只剩生存

活著只会呼吸吃饭喝水的生活

一年有三百六十五个日子五十二万五千多分钟

一生有三十四亿五千六百七十八万九千下脉搏

为爱而出生之后生命要怎么挥霍直到我化成烟的时候

一天一天看日升日落看月圆月缺年复一年的经过看谁把我变成现在的我

怕潮起潮落怕患得患失错了又错的疼痛终于我的生命只剩生存

活著只会呼吸吃饭喝水

一天一天看日升日落看月圆月缺年复一年的经过曾经我也那么独一无二

怕潮起潮落怕患得患失错了又错的疼痛终于我的生命只剩生存

活著只会呼吸吃饭喝水的生活

连刷牙也照著节奏然后设定了明天六点半的闹钟

♥ My World My Life

12:56 AM