been wanting to pen down the positive changes in the rship for awhile.
but everytime something would happened and stopped me from penning it down.
ever since his hk trip, i have been trying to adopt the "change ur perspective" kinda mindset.
i take things between us easier, particularly, those things used to give us quarrelsome nights.
it seem to worked somehow, and our quarrels gets lesser.
like i said, its a positive change.
but me being me. easier said than done. for me to change my mindset entirely about things i dont like about him wouldnt be overnight. just like how hes trying to be better, but till now, hes still struggling between what he wants for himself and what he wants to give me.
ach
i can only say phase one was a success.
he started paying more attention to me and have more initiative to spend time w me.
but perhaps, its nt smthing that i m very used to. my frustrations gets bottled up and just night i had a huge meltdown.
its not a bad thing really, because we ended up hugging each other and cry and talk abt the things that bothered us.
kae say this is the outcome she hopes to get out from any argument with boyfriend, because only after meltdown we will be more open and say things that we usually wont.
however, i m sure she agrees w me that going through the process of meltdown is super pai nful.
when u look back it all seems silly, all the screaming at each other and tots of leaving each other for good.
recently, work and family has been taking a toll on me.
i appreciate that i dont have to deal w the most troublesome one which is the rship.
i just get v tired of being concern about the pple i m close to and end up feeling like the things i said are redundant.
its the same for family, friends and even him.
it makes me feel v tired wanting to care for pple when i shd be taking care of myself.
sure, pple always say, u just take care of yourself i can take care of my own.
but if u love them, surely u want the best for them.
good rest, drink less, leave the unhappy rship etc etc
they just dont get it.
but if its me?
wont they feel the same?
will he like it that i drink habitually and stay up till wee hours even i keep complaining i m tired?
will he like it if i spend more time w my friends and give the remaining time to him?
will he like it if i do the things that he doesnt like me to do?
sigh.
friends always ask me, how are we? when are we getting married? is he better?
most of the time i dunno how to answer.
i know hes alot better than before.
but outsiders will not understand or see that.
tired of trying to make everything sound rosy to their perspective.
shall continue on phase 2..
maybe one day all this wouldnt matter to me anymore.. i will just be jaded
