A year went past without me touching this space.

Life was routine with not much highlights.

I guess this is what they call Growing up.

Not that i am not happy. In fact, 2014 on the average was good.

Work wise was ok, i was given more responsibility. I love what i am doing now. I get to talk to people and people know me. Got involved in projects, kept me really busy. The usual problem between me and my boss and my team didn't go away, but didn't bother me as much.

Right now, i am just waiting for March and April to decide my future. Honestly, this place doesnt inspire loyalty.

One of the bigger decision i made for the year was to finally start my CA course. I figured since i am not doing all that well, i might as well upgrade myself, so that i have better token to negotiate with my future employer.

I had a tough time with friends this year. and i start to wonder have they changed? or i have? a handful of them i really struggled to understand their reasoning. I have lose all hopes for a few of them, its beyond reasoning and understanding, i just.. give up.

maybe i just cant get along with anyone.

It is also a year of major change for B.

He became involve with his new business after the venture on the gaming side didnt work out. It was quite a shame, i think that route would have open up more paths for him, but i know his interest is really in the pub business, so i have been very supportive.

Honestly, i am really proud of his achievements that he always undermined,

I can see his efforts being paid off, although not as much as he wants he wants it to be, but gradually, i see the improvement in all aspects of the business. I think its not easy.

But i know B is someone who needs instant gratification. Or maybe since i am not in the business myself i dont see it as clearly as he does. I dont know.

His involvement in the business have changed him as a person, causing a change in myself too。 His thinking have evolved and matured a lot in 2014. It makes him a less happier person but also a more responsible and driven man. Welcome to the real world.

As he faces a lot more pressures than before, and as he started later than most of us. I tried to be there for him and be as supportive as possible. So far, it works. I see that he handle hurdles better and get over negative feelings faster. Although there are still a lot of negativity day in day out, and sometimes it passes on to me because i worry too much. I care so much about his happiness that once the negativity kicks in, rather than dispelling it, it absorbs it like a sponge. But maybe things are not as bad as i perceived it to be.

Another change is that i find that i am more trusting towards him, gain a lot more faith in him. We almost dont fight anymore and i hope its a good thing because some may say not fighting all of a certain may just means we are tired of fighting about the same thing. But i realised some times that i mind or bothers me a lot does not bother me as much now. E.g Not replying to my msgs immediately. I used to hate it (i still do), but i know hes out there working hard and the last thing i want is to add on to his burden. so usually i just deal with the negative thoughts by going to sleep or watch something to distract myself. That works pretty well.

I would like to think we lead a very positive relationship now, so much so that i notice i am yearning to proceed to the next level - marriage. We have never really discussed it in details except for once. We talked about our future together but we never talk about how to get there. I know he is the one and i think its a matter of time. But i know his concern now is financial stability and he would not ask for my hand unless he feels he can provide comfortably for me. Its not fair to me but i know this kind of principle is important to man.

Honestly, i dunno if i like the idea of a wedding or marriage. Because sometimes i feel like getting married, but sometimes i dont. Oh, but i do like the idea of getting engaged first =D

And i also worry about fertility problem because my gfs keep harping on it -.-

Other than that, i don't really feel the urge, its more like peer, family and social pressure.

I think we are just happy as we are.

In any case, i really hope things in 2015 will be better for me and him and that there is a bigger chance of us going to the next phase.