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20100927

My Simple Life ♥

finally. theres closure.

alls clear. didnt manage to deliver the bday present. but i had a good time at PH.

i thank those who were there w me. to make everything much more bearable.

and i look up to mamie kaelyn. so strong.

chapter closed.

My World My Life

12:54 AM



20100921

My Simple Life ♥

My mind is slowly adapting to the crazy things happening ard me...

alot of pple commented that they are surprised at the way i deal w the issue. too calm. unlike my usual self.

seriously, u have no idea how hard it is to appear like its nothing when he don even give a damn abt me. and when everything else is also falling apart..

i try not to rely on alcohol to get on w life. but i noe i need the sleeping pills to put me to sleep.

very tempted to rely on that pillar and shelter tt is there for me now. but i know i shouldnt until i heal.

anyway, mery is right. guys will be guys. once they set their mind to it, even 10 yrs they can also move on and wouldnt be bothered if u haven. they prob think "serve u right" and start laughing hysterically.

me, on the other hand, have no clear direction of whats gg to happen. neglecting work and family. fancy sobbing in office and hiding in toilet for 20 mins. luckily my female boss knows of my predicament and offer me support. i m grateful.

there are alot of pple that i tot i can rely on. but apparently i cant. v disappointing. and i know there are pple who wants to be there for me, but i had to shut them out, just because i am tired of reacting to shocked faces and why this why that. the more i hear, the more confused i get.

and there is absolutely no need to keep telling me why issit my loss. tyvm.

its so sad that we have just became strangers over night. somehow, i believe it only proves my point that, it wasnt me that he really want to spend the rest of his life with. but prob someone, that will follow him thru his master plan.

i may be wrong. but since i dont have anyone to answer my question, i will just take it as that.

**

i lost my bag ytd in a ktv pub that i have been going. sigh. n i didnt want to be there yesterday.

for some reason i was holding on to my phone~ which i usually will put inside the bag. so i m considered lucky.

the most precious item lost will be my wallet, which consists of my CCs, IC, 150 bucks and the wallet itself. its my first branded wallet and its in patent pink. :(

still carrying hope that someone will bother to return the bag or whatever without the cash n all back to 139.

this have to happen when i m like ultra broke. my ib device & uob atm card got lost together and i have no access to any cash. life sucks yes?

My World My Life

1:19 PM



20100915

My Simple Life ♥

everyday, i gets a little bit more insane.

My World My Life

10:33 AM



20100907

My Simple Life ♥

tomorrow's the day.

just rfch home from my first OT. not exactly how i want to feel the night before.

ordered mac. started crying like crazy.

but felt famished. imagine with all the tears flowing down i have to force food into my mouth. nothing could feel worst than this.

i noe it will be over someday. time will heal us.

he deserve someone who can give him true happiness.

My World My Life

10:54 PM



20100906

My Simple Life ♥

received an email in my inbox today from Tony Romas:

"Dear Toh, This is just a gentle reminder that someone special in your life is having his/her birthday soon."

Lifes been a struggle for the past 2 months.

kinda glad that everything is almost coming to an end. but i noe a part of me is still aching for this lost.

i v much miss the days tt we used to spend tog. shopping. movie. beach. but it just cant seem to make up the fact tt we hardly have time to spend tog.

not really sure hw is he coping now. i tried to speak to him but he doesnt open up and talk to me like a total stranger. his friends and their gfs stop talking to me too. this - i m not surprised.

i still cry at night whenever i thought abt us and have problem sleeping till morning. but right now, i still tink what i decided was the best for us. even though he may not see it. or anyone else. it prob doesnt matter.

it requires a lot of courage to stand up and break away from the reliance on him. on the relationship. from the comfort zone. and also to disappoint someone so greatly.

once settled, our lives will be untwined. and for all the time and feelings we spent on each other before, everything will be back to square one. so sad isnt it.

he haven fought for me since i made the decision. he just quietly went away. i dont wanna tink abt the real reason for just backing off. maybe its for me. maybe its for him. maybe hes just better off without me. maybe. but i guess i will never find out..

My World My Life

10:14 AM