the most common thing i hear frm you lately is
"i just want us to be happy together"
yes, i agree its a simple intention.
it just means, u + me = happiness
but sad to say, there is no happy button tt we can press to make it happen at the snap of your fingers.
tonight, after some drinks, he snapped again.
it was quite mild. most of the time the things he said make me HUH??
like he can smile sweetly at me the minute before, the next minute he was slamming glasses and bottle on the table.
i was scared.
i asked myself, did i provoke him? no, i didnt. quite sure of that.
but why did he had tt look, that resent look towards me. like, why are u here and giving me a black face. and he asked me what do i want from him. like out of the blue.
i just kept quiet while trying to keep a straight face. cos when i tried to speak, he raises a finger over his mouth and gesture for me to keep quiet.
this time, compared to the previous time, it was considered mild.
he did recover and we went back home together.
but things like these.
how do u expect me to be cheerful abt it?
i was telling myself since the fighting on tues and wed night, that yes, i need to be contented, like what everyone told me to.
we love each other. have plans for future. and hes generally nice to me. except when hes drunk or being provoked.
i need to accept the fact that altho i can accept tt drinking hobby, i must try and not be selfish , since its smth he lieks to do.
so i went tonight. thinking that for one night he can go w ease without checking his hp too much.
ended up he got angry and depressed over i dunno what.
i know loving him will not be easy. but i m not sure if i m prepared for long term turmoil like this. or maybe its just a transition stage.
its like u take a step forward so that it can lessen his burden to change for us, but he push u back.
