♥ *+ OuR StoRy +*

♥ 20110811

My Simple Life ♥

温柔on repeat.

i was supposed to be in bed. to be aslp.

now i feel like i prob cant sleep unless i let out some of my tots.

i saw the breakout of the Afro asia building fire. it was later reported in the news that, someone died in the fire. personally, i tink the chance of someone being trapped in the fire and die is quite low. i think foul play is more probable due to the scale of the fire. *shrug

**
on a brighter note,

he woke up today and told me "he got it!"

he went for an interview last week. it was his first interview.

he was so cute. so unlucky his first interview he kana double entry test! he panicked and immediately wapp me the test script and i manage to help him on some of the qns. hahaha.

and so he got the call today abt the job offer! we were expecting it last week cos his reference Jason told him he got a reference email. lucky him! it is super near his place

i m glad he got it. its a new pg for us both. and i m proud of him :)

just as i tot all was good.

we exchanged some text while i was lying on my bed earlier on.

i have long forgotten abt this extremely emo personality. i remember seeing it when we just started dating last yr. bt it hardly appears.

his extreme attitude towards cutting back on drinking caused some really unpleasant side effects. he literally force himself to watch himself. be v self conscious when hes out w me and even w his friends.

its not easy to break this habit since its been ard for sometime. he started feeling the frustration, the negativity. cant find the balance between his fun and getting drunk.

intentions were good. methods were wrong.

i know it wont be easy. this period. and as he let out all his emotions on wapp all together, it was so painful to read. those dark, negative tots about his life. about giving up, meaningless, drowning and all.

and me, who always tell him to share w me, couldnt find the right words to tell him. i m just not gifted in cheering him up.

i feel helpless.

i feel like i cant do anything to help him through this.

and i whom always tot i am so impt to him, doesnt seem to exist in this dark world of his.

he say, everytime hes upset, he will ask himself "for what", and very soon he will be ok again.

for me, everytime hes upset, i will ask myself too, "for what"? but in a totally different meaning.

for what are we doing this?

whats the point if he is doing this for our sake, but is gg thru so much agony to put things together.

what if, hes just happier without me. what if, i can let him go for the sake of his happiness?

one of the thing he said to me was, he have no choice. but to change for the better. cos he will choose me over anything.

so if i am not ard, he don have to choose rite??

sigh.

i understand its a long painful process for us. i know if both of us want to fight for it, we can do it together. but what if either one of us loses the strength some day. i m not superwoman. i have fears that we cant make it too, although right at this moment, i believe in us.

questions, what ifs, maybes..

actually i dun understand half of the things i wrote. sigh.

♥ My World My Life

12:45 AM

♥ 20110804

My Simple Life ♥

today, gwen ask me: what is love?

she told me both of them have been so obsessed with work that there are simply no time for romance.

i told her, i used to ask myself that question.

what is love? is this love? is reliance love? is able to live with someone love?

and then i realise, able to live w someone alone is not enuff to be called love.

ur soulmate can be there for u, accept you for who u are, can talk to u and u will feel comfy w this person.

but if u love someone, u cannot live without this person. hes always on ur mind. every minute & every second. the desire to be together doesnt decrease even when theres unhappiness. 就算不开心也要在一起。

When pple asked me if i love my ex boyfriend then, i will hesitate for a while, think and reply, "yes i love him..", but now i tink i actually meant to say "yes, i think i love him"

i always wonder, maybe i really love him and hes the love of my life. maybe i just didnt know it.

but my best friend told me, no babe, if hes the one, u will know.

if theres doubt, uncertainty, then chances are, hes just a very important person in your life. not someone u cannot live without.

and so when i reconnected with ben, everything is so different. even our fights are so meaningful sometimes.

i know i m so in love with this man, more than anything else in this world. anyone throw tt question at me again, i wouldnt hestitate to give a positive answer.

it is to an extent that, if there can only be one person between us to be happy, i rather it be him. because if hes unhappy, i can never be happy.

as things are never perfect, and me being someone who always get what i want in the past, i m hardly satisfied. but even so, i keep quiet about things tt i m upset about. not because i didnt want to fight, mainly because i know they are trivial and i need to learn to accept them, instead of trying to change them.

then i will start to ask the magic word, why?

if i have to ask the second time for u to do smthing for me, to me, it defeats the purpose and i rather u not doing it for me, cos i take it as, letting me win the battle/avoiding trouble/just to please me.

very princess i know, but tts one of the last few things i have left tt i am being v particular about.

but nowadays, i am becoming less anal abt these because, i know if i wan smthing, all i have to do is ask. and if i ask, and i m given, and i m unhappy because i think i shouldnt have the need to ask in the first place, it piss the other party off, right?

like, u wan, i give it to u, yet u are not happy? BOOM. argue.

i find myself struggling. struggling to balance both side of the scale.

♥ My World My Life

11:13 PM