STOP MENTAL TORTURING ME.

my mom gave birth to me when she was in her mid 30s. so when all my peer's parents are not in their late 40s, or early 50s, my parents are approaching their 60s.

i grew up in a healthy family.

my dad is a responsible dad, compared to many other fathers around. he have a stable job, though doesnt fetch much, he will give allowances to my mom every month. for many years he have been the sole bread winner until i started working when i was 20. However, my mom started working then too, in order to see me through my uni. So all 3 of us have to work in order for me to finsih my studies. its tough. but i graduated anyway.

He doesnt have much hobbies, he doesnt gamble (only 4D), doesnt smoke, doesnt drink. he likes to watch tv drama and read the papers or just walk/cycle ard the neighbourhood after dinner.

He loves me. And i believe he loves my mom. prob just doesnt know hw to express it.

Everytime my mom will be damn pissed at him because he wasnt sensitive to what he said or do, end up they quarrel alot.

My mom is a typical housewife. Her health has always been weak since i was sensible. I remember her staying in the hospital for months when i was in Primary school. Things got a bit better when i was in sec sch, she started her part time job as a baby sitter, but she still manages the household well. till today.

i used to be closer to my dad when i was v young, he will bring me to the Science center every sunday or bring me to swim. but we hardly talk ever since i got into sec sch. then i started being closer to my mom..

Call me a spoilt brat, but my mom never let me touch any housework. It used to be because i tot i always have my mom to do it for me, but now that i watch her body giving way day by day, she refused to let me do any house work because she is someone who only trusts herself.

I tried vacuuming the floor,but she will complain i wont do a gd job. i tried washing the dishes, she say my hands are sensitive, so i cant touch the detergents. i tried washing my own clothes, she say it doesnt smells good. i tried cooking dinner, she say i dirty her kitchen.

i asked her to teach me, she say dont need, she rather do things by herself.

lately her complaints of body ache and weak knees are increasing. i asked her to stop working at the Airport canteen, but she say she will work till March. i know why she doesnt want to leave th e job no matter how tired or unwell she feels, its because she don want to put on additional pressure on me or my dad.

it pains me to see her suffer, but yet she doesnt let me do anything abt it.

just now, she was climbing onto one high chair to clean the high walls. i told her not to, and i will do it for her. she was panting (she got slight breathing problem) while she was twisting the wet towel, but she turn down my offer as always. she say she doesnt want me to touch the water because it is acidic, i told her its fine because its only for a while.

its ok my hands get itchy than risking her to fall from the high chair, right?

so when i demanded to help, she raised her voice at me and say that she has been doing this for all her life and i wouldnt noe hw she wants to clean it. and the person who can help (my dad) is watching tv in the room. so i was quite pissed and told her why she wants to torture me mentally and stomp out of the kitchen.

as a result, i fell and knock e side of my head and my left foot.

i cried, not only because its painful, but i feel useless. i cant help n i hurt myself instead and i started thinking, what if my mom is the one tt hurt herself????????

i will be guilty forever because she didnt trust me to help her.

my mom n dad immediately came to look at me and ask if i was ok in a very very concerned tone. knowing she have cause me to hurt myself, she must have feel the pain too.

i feel tired..

i know its my responsibility to take care of them. and i will. no matter what it takes.

but i really really dunno hw to deal w my stubborn parents. my mom refusing to rest when its weekend, my dad refusing to see the doctor when he was ill etc etc.

i feel like placing doink at my place everyday because only when he is ard, my mom is happy and she wont fight w my dad.

i don earn little. peers who earn e same amount of money as me can afford fine dining every month, branded bags, parties.

if u may not noe, the reason why i scrimp n save is in hope that i can give my mom more allowances, so that my mom can retire. and the reason that i hardly stay over at doink's place or staying out for both weekends is because i try to be home as much as possible.

i love them too. but i hope they can stop mental torturing me and start to listen to what i have to say.

♥ My World My Life

10:53 AM

♥ 20100119

My Simple Life ♥