sigh been feeling emo lately...
it all started from my favourite colleague's resignation last month, and she have officially left last friday. we have joined the company on the same day and this entire year she have really been the pillar of support to keep me sane.
when i first joined the company, there are many changes gg on in my life. my breakup w d, my start w ben, the flat, etc. to be honest, i wasnt able to focus and i called in sick for many days. initially i tot my bosses were ok with it, since i told her about the reason. but i guess its a bad impression that no matter how hard i work, it wont be taken away.
then i lost the initial bonding time w the rest of the team, which may be the reason why after 1 yr here i still feel no sense of belonging as compared to my last job. i m still tight with irene and thomas. maybe a few others have drifted but i tink we are still on good talking terms. i m pretty sure once i leave this co i will nv look back and miss the days here.
so back to my colleague's leaving.
it triggered me to feel the need to leave this place too. mainly because there doesnt seem to have much career progression. but i didnt start to look out full force. went for 2 interviews through referral from my ex colleague. the first one they managed to get someone who have more experience than i do, the second one cos they think i wasnt suitable to work in steel yards. sigh.
then i started to panic.
i know i m not young anymore. i m not as cheap as fresh grad, motivated. and i m not experienced enuff for the next level. especially the fact that i do not have audit experience. giant industry like oil, steel, pharma are all looking for experienced individuals in respective industry. and it dawns to me that,
i m stuck.
looking at a few friends ard me who are doing well, in prestigious company, promising career.
everytime i bring up to ben, he will ask me to compare the amount of time we spend in the office. those commitments to e job. so he asked, lemme choose, will i prefer more life? or more work?
i dunno.
i just know i don have a fulfilling job. maybe its the wrong company. or maybe its the wrong profession.
pple say u will enjoy ur work if u have passion for it. i wonder will there be anyone who have passion for accounting? anyone?? sigh.
and if accounting is not for me. what can i do? i really dunno :( i feel so lost. i don feel accomplished. sometimes, i even feel i am good for nothing.
i wonder if i can even complete my driving course. which i have stopped taking classes since last yr. bummer.
i hope i will go through this phase soon.
**
of late, everytime i go partying, i have been v sober. i dunno why, there will be a state whereby i am very high but the feeling willfade very soon.
i then start to feel the energy seeping out of my body. and usually by 1 am, i will be tired and just watch the crowd.
the more times this happen, the more i feel i dunno wtf i m there.
i used to love clubbing, to dance and drink. but when we are sober, we are able to see so much more.
girls who dressed up so nicely, and ended up so unglam puking all over the floor, or doing other silly things. or worst, end up w an ugly guy in a budget hotel.
maybe drinking and partying have caused so much unhappiness to my rship, now i detest it. or maybe its because the last few times before i felt like tt, i was really drunk and the feeling so terrible. or maybe i m just plain old. i still enjoy the music tho. enjoy hanging out w my friends. have a few good laughs. some dares. some " hey bitch, don mess w me" kinda moments.
ytd when i was at butter, i saw this mix group of uni students. it was so scandalous. one of this girl was sitting down on the sofa with the guy tt i presume were interested in her cos his hands were all over her butt and thigh. then another girl from the group came, and sat down ON this guy's lap. then this same girl who sat down on this guy's lap went to sit down at ANOTHER GUY's lap later on. AND. she looks damn freaking sober. -.- (ok, sorry am i too traditional?)
then later on in the toilet, i saw this guy carrying this girl and her whole body was like jelly and she was staring onto the ceiling with her eyes weird open. its damn freaky. sigh.
when or how can i find back tt kinda feeling, like i am reasonably high and can dance? what works? maybe i shd just start going back to the dance floor.
