Just today, i was there for you, cheering you up because of the so called mis understandings with your friend.
When your friend is unreasonable, i am more angry than you are.
I don't care what he says about me. But 我替你感到不值。
Your exam, you asked me to remind you to study. When i do, you gets upset.
Every late night you stay, the next day you will tell me you are tired, cannot focus.
i worry for your work.
i worry that if you are not going to make it, you will give up on yourself.
i worry when you tell me you don feel well even if you sleep alot.
shouldnt i be?
i worry about you being tired, so most of the time if possible, i dont trouble you to send me home. even tho its a freaking 20 bucks cab home or one hour train ride home.
is it better if i don say anything at all?
Does it make u happy that u can do whatever you want and no one make noise abt it?
if i love u, shd i just let u do whatever that you like even though its not good for you in the long run?
shd i just shut up?
hahaha. i really dunno.
why are we always fighting abt the same thing?
from the first time we fight, u told me u love me so much u don wan to hurt me again and you want to try to stop drinking.
"i have my limit too" so you say.
so do i.
but i push my limit again and again. because i keep telling myself its worth it. and i need to be patient.
i m not always bringing up all these to show that i am so great, i can forgive. i just want you to remember that despite everything that happened between us, you are the goal at the end of my rainbow, like you always used to say.
everytime i cared about you but got shot in my own foot, i ask myself WHY.
like why when i know the outcome is the same but i still want to do it.
i can spend the time reading more. i can spend the time with my family. i can do more things for my mom. i can go shopping.
despite every bit of patience i have for you, everytime i just got a door shut in my face when you are annoyed. every single time.
i m tired.
tired of wanting everything to work out.
tired of believing.
tired of crying everytime u shut me out
tired of being extra nice but not appreciated.
tired of you getting upset at me because of how i care for you.
everytime i see our travel photos together w my teary eyes, they just appear black n white..i remember how happy we were, but i cant feel it now i m in hell.
i need to take a break from everything for abit. for now. but i will not stop loving you.
i need to find myself that was lost in the world that evolved ard you. i need to start loving myself.
i m not great. and i m just not saint. because, i m just a simple woman.
Relationship insanity is doing all of those things and continuing to expect to get a different result - that is looking to be the exception.
