struggling to find the correct words.
on the outside i feel calm. inside, i m ripping myself apart.
i cannot believe he did this to me.
blocking his wapp and deactivating his fb.
things that we say we wouldnt do to each other.
why is he so angry?
shdnt i be the one angry when hes the one making me feeling that hes hiding something because he flips his phone away?
how could he?
maybe he didnt understand why i walked out of him last night.
but maybe he could try to understand why i feel so insecure because of his gesture.
ironically, we just had a v good talk on the very same day about how our fights are always meaningful and we always want this to work.
tinking abt it now, it all seems like mockery.
everytime i talk to vicky, she always seem to be subtly hinting that we shd break up or we shd reevaluate our rship because she tink hes feeling tired of all these.
i m scared.
but i m always falling back to his words, that no matter how tough it is, he knows i m the goal at the end of the rainbow.
but when it comes to love, who can say it so definitely.
what if he already didnt have the heart to be in this, but because of all his promises hes forcing himself to hold on?
could that be why he reacted like this when we had a fight?
why?
i wanted to make peace but he didnt want to c me.
didnt want to talk to me.
i took a cab there and took a cab back but he wouldnt even wan to talk to me properly.
why? why is he so angry?
is something amiss?
or did i underestimated my action?
i feel like i have been stabbed a thousand times inside.
what now?
wait?
if he tries to make a convo, what shd i say?
if he dont, wat then?
i miss those passionate eyes when he looks at me.
whats our problem?
or could it just be my problem?
do u believe that u can feel it when he says he loves u?
i feel it lesser these days.
maybe there was too much things bothering him.
always trying to find out the reason.
whats he doing every other night at gin?
is he seeing someone else?
am i in denial?
is he in denial?
i feel so sad now i wish i could finsih up all those sleeping pills on the table and sleep.
only in sleep i dont feel the pain.
i love this man so much i cant lose him. if i ever, i dont tink i will be able to live the day seeing him dating someone else.
but i cannot see where we are now.
i feel so cold. so tired. so.. lost..
why is this happening? can someone pls talk to me? and tell me what shd i do?
