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20050429

My Simple Life ♥

*Sick.. down with fever and sniffing as i was typing..arGh.. sick.. again.. help..!

Met up with mery for shopping late noon..

Saw a cap that i really like at FEP.. its mickey vintage.. and it costs $39.. i love it.. but i dun know if i shoulf splurge on tt.. haiz..

Dinner at Delifrance.. and met up with weiling..

Was still deciding if we want to club cos we just had a feeling tt its gonna be very boring.. for me.. my diff group of friends just kinda back out last min.. so i knew i wont see any familiar faces there..


Alternative plan was to meet up with my poly pple at Holland V.. mm.. but we chose clubbing instead..

It was really boring at first.. cos we went there super early.. and there wasnt much pple around.. or rather there wasnt much pple around we knew..

Sitting at phuture at 1030... told them that if its still gonna be as bad i will be leaving at 1130..

Weiling left phuture cos she was just disgusted by e sight of some pple.. but i don understand why we have to leave when we see her.. mm..

Everything was actually quite a blur.. no, i din drink.. but i only vaguely rememebr it was a super long nite.. cos the first 1 hr was really boring.. and after tt we squeeze in and out of the crowd a few times.. the crowd was crazy..

Weiling left us to dance in Zouk, so there was only me and mery in phuture..

was dancing with this stranger and we saw certain someone's ex girlfriend..shes in a group dancing right beside me.. i continued anyway.. her friend was trying to dance with mery tho.. just as the guy was enjoying my company, with his hands over my waist and shoulder..i left him and walk to the inside of the dance floor with mery's classmate... without saying a word.. well, there goes another chance.. or choice.. watever..he's probably looking for a company for the nite, it seems.

When she saw me, she typed smth on her hp and showed it to all her friends.. and her friends just turned around and looked at me..it HAS to be smth bad..but i just hope i was mistaken..

Music was alrite.. and mery's friends was fun..they like to disturb other pple.. and as usual..saw couple making out against the wall.. mm.. we just kept luffing at them..guess the girl was really h****..the guy seems to be in a loss too..

Saw someone's ex again after we came back from restroom..this time she was clinging on to another guy..someone from her group as i recognised.. rubbing each other.. head on his shoulder..all i can say is..buck up ur dancing skill if u wanna grid..tts no way to do dirty dancing..

Nah.. that wasnt wat went thru my mind then..words just kept going thru my mind.. i asked myself "WHY.." over and over again..i knew if i were her.. things will be so different isnt it.. and i suddenly just felt like tearing..

speaking of tearing..

why on earth will phuture play "Mr Lonely" by Akon??? haha..but well.. the guys manage to pull it off with some funny actions.. so i i was fine..

started to have fun after 2.. music was nice.. the guys were fun.. etc etc.. hope mery had her share of fun.. she looked so bored back there..hadta go home.. so din join Pierce for liquid room..

Left when party ended..

Sick of the guilt clubbing leaves me.. sick of the things i have to see in clubs.. sick of the rebellious me.. sick of the regrets..sick of the attention seeking self in clubs..hate the emptiness..

Time to simmer down.
Rock on pple!

My World My Life

3:37 PM





My Simple Life ♥

Mm.. typed this on my notepad so that i can transfer to my blog.. hehe..

brief update abt me recently..

Friday:

Meet up with mao for dinner after our work.. talk cocking and gossiping..after which chill at Spinelli.. the other day this girl was just complaining to me tt she has no feeling for anything.. but she saw this cute guy at Spinelli which almost drove her crazy.. she called him the NIke guy.. lol.. she regretted not going over to know him.. haha.. crazy.. well.. i know its a nice feeling to see a crush.. haha.. things will normally turn nasty when there are developments.. yup.. tts why i haven talk to my Nooch crush.. hahah..left town just in time for my last train..

Saturday:

Met up with Ling for some shopping in town.. din get anything cos i m totally broke..

Had some milkshake at Coffee club and we saw ben and his gf.. haha.. well.. finally he is taking some time to accompany her gf.. which is good.. din wan to go over to say Hi cos was afraid his gf would give him a hard time.. called him to tell him i was around .. he din want to let her know either.. haha..

Never expect i would be so calm over seeing him with his gf in town..in a way or another.. i just love the way we are now.. not commited.. don have to bear with each other abt the clubbing nonsense..no tears.. only enjoying each other's company whenever we meet.. i know i can tel him anything.. he wont judge, will only listen.. someone i know i can rely on.. and i will be someone he could rely on too..

Yes, he hurt me alot before..and its because of him thats why i m who i m today.. no doubt.. but at least i know well that i lost a lover.. but i have founda soulmate..or a fling?? hahaha..

Anyway..

Din want to club that nite cos i wasnt feelign well over at coco.. wanted to go over to black instead but no one i knew was there.. so yup.. went to weiling's place.. and we manage to psycho mery to meet up with us in midnite..

So the 3 of us just sat down at Breko. From 1 am till day break.. catching the first cabs home.. spending time talking abt our sec school days and stuff..

And well.. both of their bfs came over to give them surprise at different point of time.. wat a coincidence.. haha..

Received plenty of sms at 6 am in the morning.. from a close friend.. kinda bring me to my tots..

Sunday: SLack

Went to Ada's wedding.. could feel her happiness.. she looked so pretty.. its the first time i attended a wedding with majority of them at my age.. mm.. kinda new.. theres a lot of SAF pple over there.. cos her husband is a signed-on pilot.. it kinda bothers me when i see that there is actually no cute guys at all in those pple.. kinda sad case actually.. cos arent pilot supposed to be those cute and eligible guys?? ah well.. watever..

Finally met up with kailin after so long.. shes doing fine.. which is good.. its not been a good time for her either.. hope she can pull herself together soon..

Monday:

Was off day.. supposed to be a job hunting day with weiling but she chose her VCDs over me.. din manage to get to see my comp as well..

Ben called while i was preparing to go out.. as usual, checking out on me and stuff.. he said he may drop by to say hi or smth..

met up with mery and her friend, wanyui, in town and had some sinful choc feast.. the only way for a girl to find her happiness.. haha..

After tt, i went over to Cine to look for Mao and jasmine.. with an intention of catching a movie.. but we din manage to catch it in the end.. guess no one is in the mood..

Ben came to look for me.. were just sitting at the sofa at cine while waiting for the girls to decide what to do..

Mao made the choice of pooling.. so we went to play pool together.. jas and mao against me and ben.. loser forfeit.. duh.. of cos, my team won.. but they din do the forfeit.. haha..

He have to leave earlier cos he had to meet the "girl on his mind" for dinner.. lol.. walk him out of K pool to the lift.. hugged and kissed him goodbye.. hope he had better take care of himself.. dont overwork..

WEnt back to finsih the game with mao and jas.. left for home shortly after 11..

My World My Life

3:35 PM



20050421

My Simple Life ♥

Say of the day.."A criminal is just like anyone of us.. except.. HE GOT CAUGHT.."

Haha..

Decided to have an early nite today.. so .. i am here blogging earlier than usual.. =)

Saw my results today.. well.. i passed all.. which is like a surprise to me.. but e results arent fantanstic either..din expect good results.. given the amount of time i put into my revision.. really neglected my revision period.. but.. watever.. i am already out of poly life.. yeah..

not feeling v good..cos my future seems so bleak.. with my results.. i cant go anywhere.. i just hope i can get lucky.. haiz..

I was thinking abt my friends today.. i just feel like.. well.. some have purposely want to distant themselves from me.. some simply dont care.. i dont like that kinda feeling.. like u sms soem pple.. and they purposely dont want to reply or smth.. ah well..or their reply is simply telling u to leave them alone..

Human beings nowadays.. its so hard to show them or make them believe that u really care.. so they tend to be so protective of themselves from time to time .. and be wary things happening around them.. some even behave differently from who they really are.. hate this.. what has the world becomign too.. cant even find someone u can trust..

But to a certain extent.. i know that there are still pple i can open myself to.. hopefully its not a naive thinking..

Was talking to this rather negative friend of mine.. well.. she used to be so bubbly and happy-go-lucky.. however, a lot of things seems to be weighing her down.. letting her lose interest in whatever things she is doing.. our communication is like so surface.. build on a invisible barrier.. i really wanna care for her.. but i don think she is ready to trust.. hope things will go well for her..

Spend the day working.. data entries and stuff.. well.. time pass very fast when u have got something to do.. yeah..

Mery is finally finishing her papers on Mon.. but stella is leaving singapore on Mon as well.. which means we wont have a chance to gather beforehand.. hope stella enjoys her trip.. definitely have to meet up once she comes back..

Lala

My World My Life

11:10 PM





My Simple Life ♥

Haha.. to all.. just realise that i cant stop blogging lo.. haha.. all i wanna do after a long day is to put what happened into this precious blog of mine.. haha..

To those pple whom are concerned.. I admit i m thinking a little too much.. and like what stella told me.. to a certain extend what i found out may say smth negative abt him.. however, there might be certain issues going on at that point of time.. which i doesnt noe.. so i shouldnt jump to any conclusion.. well.. that convinced me alot.. i really doesnt know much abt his past.. so.. i will give him the benefit of doubt.. however, i am tired with all those mental games.. tts all abt him..

Just reach home from Black.. its my first time clubbing at black on a wed nite.. din carry much hopes at first cos, 1)Black is not as fun as last time already, 2) bad experience at phuture last week.. but i went down.. tot i had to give myself a break.. and at the same time.. its our birthday surprise for our Dearest Jasmine..

My face is peeling badly.. and i think my body is starting to peel too.. ah well.. don want to look like a freak.. so i just wore my shades.. and at soem pt in time.. i just wore Zheyong's cap..

Didnt regret a single bit!! OMG.. its super fun.. its so fun tt i cant explain the feeling... so high! so nice! the music is very coco latte.. v nice R nB.. Super nice music.. super good DJ.. nice crowd and yup.. eevrything is just so nice.. made up for my disappointment at Phuture last week..

Pple present: Me, Mao, Eve, Jasmine, Katherine, SengYan Zheyong, Zheyong's friends, Mao's friends..... alot..

Well, saw some pple which really makes me so happy.. like i mentioned, there was zheyong.. haha.. nv expect myself to ever club with him.. he was my ex colleague.. well.. its just weird to dance with someone u know as your "colleague".. in a sense that u know him well but not to the extent of dancing together.. holding him and dance kinda stuff..its just weird.. cos normally u have ur clubbing mates.. that will see the wild side of u from the day they know u and there are friends whom u know u as a guai or decent girl but saw the wild side of u while clubbing ..well, i think i let him see the other side of me.. haha..nevetheless we had a good time..

And also kelvin.. another x colleague.. good to see him.. and he is so much better looking now than last time.. haha.. we used to be at loggerheads .. haha

and while queueing we saw Xiong and KhaiKhin.. haha.. extorted $2 from Xiong using his Hp pouch and he got us a drink.. a pity they decided to skip clubbing and to ktv instead.. ah well..

the first thing sengyan said when saw me was.."Eh.. wheres Gerald.." .. i was like.. "broke up already.. hes in camp.." and he looked so guilty.. haha.. silly boy..

Music was great.. party animal in me was unleashed.. danced till i drop.. but maybe v long nv dance already.. kinda no stamina.. haha..

It was a free flow nite.. but there was not enough glasses.. haha..how lame..

There was this Ang Moh guy approached me with a drink while i was on my way to take my phone with Eve..he was like.. "havent seen u around.. i m darren.. u alone.." being the usual nice me.. i told him my name and hurried away.. haha..

There was this point during the nite whereby theres only left me and mao in the dancefloor while the rest went to get some drinks.. haha..we were still having fun like no one's biz!

Saw my nooch crush again!! haha.. hes so cute.. but still din ask for his name.. only brush past each other a few times.. and he dance with Perline! er..ming's friend.. =( haha.. but i dont care what my crush do one.. haha.. not even my fling.. hoho..so ya.. just continue looking at him lo..

Went up to the platform.. totally let myself go wild.. or did i?? haha.. dunno la.. just know i love that kinda feeling whereby u are on top and loooking at everyone and everyone else looking at u..

IT was still so fun at 3.. but i hadta go..sad.. hope i could stay but i knew my mom is gonna skin me alive cos i have been clubbing every wed since i finsih my exams..

Well.. shall report to Zouk next wed with Mery and Weiling.. and also Mao and jasmine they all.. looking forward.. it'd better not be a flop.. haha..

My World My Life

4:11 AM



20050419

My Simple Life ♥

Hmm.. started my first day at work today..

well.. i din really mention cos it was like a last min offer.. and i m still looking for a better job..

but well.. i m glad that i m no more the eat-sleep-rot serene.. yup.. i m working for my entertainment, my clothes and food.. yup..at least i am doing something..

I am actually helping my cousin doing some data entry, accounting and tagging for her inventories..work place is actually at her apartment.. just next to Suntec City..

it is quite slack..in air condition room and yup.. stuff like tt..

Had trouble sleeping last nite.. cos of my burnt body.. i cant move around.. its really super painful.. haiz.. its killing me..

I miss my friends.. mm.. i miss clubbing..i hope all my friends are doing well.. and i hope i can club soon..

O btw.. as expected.. trip to Taiwan is cancelled.. well..din carry high hopes in the first place.. well.. so not much disappointment.. but now tt i m not going to TW.. i can buy my com soon.. yeah.. so happy.. and with my money coming in.. i can buy things tt i like.. cant wait!~

Whats on radio : Mocking bird..

THings were so simple when we were young..

My World My Life

1:25 AM



20050417

My Simple Life ♥

I am sick, i am running a fever..

The pain all over my body is killing me.. arGh..i cant even sleep properly!! this is sick..

I am red.. looks like a cooked serene..but i am tanned now.. i m happy.. cos i wanted to look darker so that i looks healthier.. mm.. and slimmer, i hope..

went for sun tanning with ling..have always wanted to go tanning.. but the weather doesnt permits..

well, finally made our trip there yesterday.. the sun was bright.. we enjoy the sun to the fullest.. reached around 12 and left around 4..

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Me and ling before the tan.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


me after the tan..

its the first time i went tanning with a girl.. normally, it would be a group of girls.. or a guy.. mm.. but nevertheless, its a relaxing trip..

But the price i have to pay will be the pain all over my body and fever..its gonna last for days.. i just hope it doesnt peel.. haiz..theres no one to take care of me.. =(

Lunch at subway at HF and some window shopping.. saw Ben's gf.. Mm.. doubt she recognise me cos i was wearing shades and so tanned..

Went back home..rest.. and headed to Jasmine's chalet..

was really tired.. but its been a long time since i went to a chalet.. so yup.. just went down to see..its her birthay btw..

A comfortable mix of pple.. theres only my group, with mao, celia, mervin etc and her P school group..

Few rounds of mahjong.. was really sian..i was waiting for a call that nv came..

it was 11 plus and we started games after cutting the cakes.. we started with "007" then we moved to this space behind the chalet and played other lame games like "Mafia" , "murderer" and the most fun part was the forfeit.. forfeit includes kissing, going over to other chalet and ask them to sing a bday song, demanding hug from stranger, bowing in front of a chalet.. haha..well.. its all quite easy tho.. i remmeber during my 17th birthday chalet.. i was supposed to get e chewed mentos from a girl's mouth.. which means i have to stuck my tongue into her mouth.. waahha.. crazy~

Well, there are different groups of youngsters like us playing forfeit, and there was one really interesting one.. the guy is supposed to come to our group and pretend that he fell.. haha.. it was like so sudden..we were talking and suddenly he just landed on his front witha loud "AIYA!" but it was v drama..

Got to know a few new pple, but i only remember the name of 1, that is ben.. haha.. hes quite cute.. the other 3 i really cant rememmber..

started chatting and getting to know each other..from schools to clubbing to night clubs and we started our games again!!

Played black magic and its so fun to trick them! haha.. die also dun wan tell them the principle behind e game.. the guys couldnt take it.. and kept thinking..

We took almost 3 hours to solve the "Around the world in 80 days" given by mao and bobby..and my "$2.50" questions kept them busy for quite a while.. they were so eager to get the answers that they really take out real money to figure out where the 10 cents have gone to.. lol..

By 4 am.. everyone's brain is like working like crazy.. and we started a big round of lame questions and Qian Bian Wen Da Ti.. well.. i learnt a lot of new ones.. as well as tricking pple with the ones i had..

Shagged by 5am.. went back to the chalet for some BBQ.. and bobby shared ghost stories about Tekong with us.. there was one that really freaked me out..

Left at 6 and shared cab home with Bobby.. on our way back.. he told me about the life in Tekong.. apparently, he got enlisted like 1 month ago..

Reach home at 7.. shagged and fell asleep..

Like Kailin says, clubbing can take ur mind off things for sometime.. but after party ends.. the emptiness will hit u doubly hard.. well.. guess i am feelign this way..

Ah well, starting work tml already.. looking forward..=)

My World My Life

5:14 PM



20050416

My Simple Life ♥

He is a loser.

I officially declare over here that i hate LEE WEIHAO..and i seriously dont wish to hear anything about him anymore.. unless he die or smth..

i hate the way he is acting like he is the victim of all time..
i hate the way he treats me despite my action tells him that i wanna be friends..

Everyone came telling me that he is the best choice of all..how good he is.. blah blah.. so wat? its still my choice isnt it??? and anyway.. how good can he be if he cant even face his own failure????? come'on, he can tell the whole world that he is living so well.. he doesnt have the courage to face me??!!

I receive a msg from him ytd saying that he is sorry for being cold to me and makign me sad..

My response:

1. I am not sad.. rather i m disappointed.. angry..
2. Whats the point of saying sorry???? '
3. He sounded as if i was begging for his attention!

The whole world tells me that he needs time.. i shouldnt be distrubing him at this point of time...that hes hurt.. if hes hurt.. does treating me like this makes him feel better????

Eric asked me why am i so disturbed by the way he is acting.. do i still like him??

I used to wonder about that question after we breakup..i was confused.. but right now.. i knew i made the rite choice.. he is such a loser.. and nope.. i dont find it worthwhile to love him or even like him anymore..or even be friends with him..fer wat??

PPle reading this may find tt i m selfish bitch.. watever.. u dunno how it feels.. someone who used to claim that he love u so much.. until he can die for u.. till he is willing to give up all his wealth and friends and family to be with u.. but now.. he cant even see u as a normal friend.. or treat u like u are visible..

Eric said i m crazy.. well..maybe i am.. no body i can trust... like a friend said " I dont believe theres true friendship or relationship in this world." .. well.. i m starting to think tt way..

I have wasted 2.5 years with a stranger.. a total stranger..

But on the other hand.. how i wish i can be as heartless as him..

My World My Life

1:27 AM



20050415

My Simple Life ♥

i stared at my com screen for a long time.. thinking of what to put in this white colour box..

a little update about me..

Went to meet stella in e evening ytd.. simple yet comfortable one.. well.. i guess thats abt friends.. u can call ur best friends out without having any plans and walking aimlessly in town and yet u still feel comfortable..

Some window shopping..although we never say .. but i know both of us miss Mery's presence..

Before we headed home, we went to Borders to see if there are any nice books.. both of us picked up a interesting book.. i picked up this book titled " The survival kit for Breakup".. its really interesting u know.. they tell u wat are the stages u go thru after a breakup.. and what are the symptoms of depression..
Went town to find my papa today.. well...i am starting to work on his tax stuff.. and hes really v nice.. he knows i m in need for money.. so he paid me $50 in advance.. and will pay the remaining after i have completed the task..

And he offered me a position as Team Leader in IRN.. well.. i m thinking abt it.. what to do.. no money.. he promised me good money..

Finally went for my swimming in the evening.. but i think i overdo it.. 4 laps none stop..and i stretch my muscle..should be due to the lack of warming up..

On my way home ben called to check up on me.. the things he told me left me in dismay ..well.. he still hasnt change.. but as a friend.. i wont say much.. as long as he think he is happy.. i guess i am cool with the things he is doing ba.. just hope tt he doesnt hurt himself in the end.. hope he is feeling better already~

meeting ling for some tanning tomorro morning.. and evening going for jas's chalet.. looking forward.. =)

The trip to TW is still not settled.. i seriously don think we can get it done by end of May.. haiz..

Tempted to club.. but the lack of money and kaki made me drop the idea..

My World My Life

11:00 PM



20050414

My Simple Life ♥

Hhmm.. just reach home from Zouk..

it sucks.. dunno why.. but it just sucks.. maybe becos of e crowd.. some disgusting eurasians.. and desperados.. whats new.. dont expect to pick up cute hunks at club nowadays..

THeres only one cute guy i spotted tonite.. just 1.. how pathetic..

n the music sucks too~

haiz.. celine made a good choice for not coming down.. guess i m sick of clubbing already.. mm.. or rather i should look for new places.. i miss coco latte.. mm..

was with Kailin, Mao and Katherine.. and like i said, music sucks.. i am even lazy to move my body~no cute guys.. no motivation..

No ming, no Zikai.. clubbing really sucks..

Well.. i certainly hope ming and mao will be ok soon.. really..its really not worth it..

Saw someone i really dont want to see.. esp during such a boring nite.. the sight of her just made it even worse..whereever i go i will just see her..but well, being nice, i tried smiling at her..but she just gave me that full-of-herself look and like-i-care kinda stare..and at that exact second i far*ing regret what i have just done.. i just wanna say.. get a life..

Mery asked me to call her.. and yup.. flooded me with some stuffs.. hope shes doing well in her mugging!

Enjoying my all time favourite at 3 am: In the end. everyone seems to love that song. Party ended.

Tml shall be another day. Continue looking for jobs. Argh.. i m spending but not earning! haiz.. this is bad.. =(

*Yawnz*

My World My Life

4:10 AM



20050413

My Simple Life ♥

If only....

If only that nite i stayed at Rush..
If onyl that nite Ben came to join me..
If only that nite i stayed at another corner.
If only that nite my group werent so attention seeking..
If only that night he hadnt ask me to dance.
If only that nite i treat him like another desperado or acquaintance..
If only he din stand behind me..
If only i just be cool after i rejected him..
If only Kailin hadnt tell me he is cute..
If only i wasnt so high to ask for his name
If only mao din pulled him over to dance
If only he doesnt know Kailin's friend..
If only i ignore him on my friendster
If only i din give him my no.
If only i don reply to his sms.
If only he is not the first one to bid me farewell
If only he din msg me even when i was overseas.
If only i hadnt go to Coco once again when i come back
If only he hadnt come over n find me..
If only mao din tell me he kept looking at me..
If only i din agree to go to the game with him..
If only i din turn back after i back off the last min..
If only i din go to Millenia walk to study
If only he hadnt msg me everyday
If only i am not happy on our dates
If only i dont see him more than 4 times a week
If only i dont try to conquer him for my pride.
If only we stay tt way
If only that nite i insisted that he dont send me home
If only that nite i hadnt lie on his shoulder
If only that nite he hadnt kiss me
If only that nite he say he dont want to try.
If only i din like him so much
If only i behave like myself.
If only i am confident in myself.
If only i din let him know how impt he is to me.
If only i din start to blow him off.
If only that girl din reappear in his life
If only i tried to be cool
If only i put in more effort to let him love me than dislike me
If only i din make that stupid decision
If only i bear with it for another day
If only i din ask him what happened that day
If only i hadnt fall for him..


I would not have been crying.. i would not have been hurt..he will still be giving me those attention he used to give.. and i will still be a happy girl..

Its all choices.. for me to choose..but i chose all the wrong ones..

If only..

My World My Life

4:50 PM





My Simple Life ♥

Was reading testimonial by Kailin.. well.. was really touched..

I am really fortunate to be granted with friends like her.. they catch me when i fall..bear with my nonsense over and over again..


On a lighter note, i have finally done something meaningful today since i regain my freedom. Haha.. i went to SMU to hand in my application.

Chances are slim.. but i wanna try.. so i will die without regret.

Had lunch with stella and her friends.. luckily she was with me to guide me around .. i would probably be lost in the campus la.. haha..
its good to see her again, i missed her..

Good luck for her paper on thursday, and this goes to Mery, shes having her papers on Fri! All the best! faster finish then we can go play!

After which went down to Heeren to interview for a retail job. Pay is only 4.50 and i can only start in May. So what the? what am i supposed to do from now till May? ROt? shall continue my search tml..

I have regained my freedom, yes. But there seems to be no aim in life for me rite now.. other than looking for a job.. so that i can buy the things i like..

Called Hanzi.. and she came over to meet me at Mandarin hotel and we decided to go K-Box! cos she got this discount voucher.. haha..

I din knw theres another K-box in cine lo.. anyway.. its supposed to be from 3 to 6.. but no one came to chase us out so hanzi sing all the way till 8..notice i meant HANZI.. cos i sing till 6 already cannot make it already.. so yup.. she continued singing.. and i just sit down there.. she just refused to leave the room.. and i have to force her to leave..

i think i m getting really tired of KTV.. haha..but its a raelly good way of letting out.. yup..

Went over to Heeren to find maomao.. and it started raining.. and as we were seekign shelter at Old Chang Kee.. i saw weihao.. or rather weihao saw hanzi.. well.. call me loser or watever.. but i din tok to him..

He is the loser. I am utterly disappointed in him.

Everyone jsut came telling me how nice he is. Well, probably thats how he is to everyone else, EXCEPT me.. he just shun by the sight of me. When i talk to him, he just cant be bothered to reply. i just want to laugh.. so much for being the love of his lifetime..


Some friends told me i din spare a tot for him.. they say maybe he is so hurt inside that he is trying to protect himself.. i shouldnt be expecting everything to be the same since i hurt him so bad..blah blah blah..

O well.. maybe.. and watever.. i never have any problem with my ex.. pple like ben, daniel, stephen etc we can still talk like before..like friends.. cos i treasure each n everyone of them.. only weihao, i really dunno what to do.. i really tried.. but he dont seem to accept.. or even care .. so wtF?

He has probably found out things that he wasnt supposed to know from some idiots. Or rather, some idiots may have said things that arent true to him.

Enough of complaints. I will just leave it to him.

Went to Edo sushi for dinner. Super broke. But i still eat. Missed the tako yaki. heh..

and we were discussing abt our trip. Its more or less settled with the date. I m looking forward. =)

shall conquer the club tml!!! yeah!!! cant wait.. hohoho..

It marks the first week. CHeers!~

My World My Life

1:17 AM



20050410

My Simple Life ♥

Mm.. going for a swim later..

Watched some vcds last nite till late mid nite.. watched Young and Dangerous.. haha.. well.. its v nice really..

Last minute kailin want me to join her at black.. i wanted to go down.. wanted to sneak out.. but i kana caught by my mom.. Oops.. haha.. so i dropped the idea..

This is the 3rd day. No news from him at all..

Jeff was nice enough to drop me a msg everynite.. he still try to console me that its becos he might be busy and stuff.. so cant msg me.. but well.. since jeff can have the time.. why cant he?? mm.. maybe i shouldnt be demanding so much.. i have no rite to..

Jeff said he may understand how gerald feels rite now.. i may be sad.. but maybe he is hurting even more.. HAHA.. i just wanna laugh.. he is not e only one who told me tt.. he say everything in Tekong is so fast paced.. the grievances in there almost tripled.. haha.. hes probably griefing over pearly ba..

i probably don mean anything..maybe by thinking this way.. i can get over it sooner..

EVERYONE is telling me he might just come back for me after 2 weeks cos he misses me so much?? tt is provided he really tot abt me.. what if he is always thinking abt other pple.. or maybe he doesnt even care..

Watever.. i have to move on..


Do you still believe??? .... i do..

My World My Life

5:33 PM



20050409

My Simple Life ♥

its really painful when i walk him out of my house the other day.. i can only look at his backview.. further and further away from me.. and finally disappear..do u know how painful it is to send your love one out of ur life?? knowing tt things will nv be the same again..but all u can do is just cry..

its really painful having to set a dateline to end everything and as every second ticks away.. you know its nearer to part.. every minute is just so precious.. u dont even want to sleep..

its raelly painful to make that decision that is gonna benefit both of us (really?)..

Its just so painful to let him go.. i let him go..

THis is a saturday evening.. went to rent some VCDs just now.. decided not to go out.. just staying at home to rest will be good..

Watched "mean girls".. had some luffs.. followed by "50 first dates".. bad move.. reminds me of the present i had wanted to give him but still lying on my desk..

Went to that "place" today and sat at the exact same bench.. it took place on the 9th Mar.. today's the 9th of April.. its been a month..

He told me then he was really not sure.. he said i had no idea what he was going thru..i told him with confidence that everything will be fine as long as he tries.. i told him to let me love him..i tot it was simple...

however, i din stand by my promise.. i made him try but what about mE? and how can i be so mean to accuse him of not trying hard enough..*itch..

regrets. regrets and regrets.

he ever asked me if he made me the happiest girl? Yes.. he did made me the happiest girl. No doubt about that. Being too caught up with the happiness he is giving me, i forgot to give my best. I even forgot to just be myself.

The parting scene the other day keeps running over and over in my head. its killing me. Kept rememebering his last words and the moment i asked him to go and closes the door behind him...i cant get it out of my head.. its like a nitemare.. and i have to live thru it as long as i am awake..

The nails he painted for me is fading away. The smell on my piggy is doign the same.

I miss him. I miss his laughter. I miss his voice. I miss his smile. I miss his msgs. I miss his smell. I miss his jokes. I miss his hugs. I miss him badly.

I was so addicted to him.. now how can i kick the habit so soon.. its killing me..

ADDICTED - simple Plan

I heard you're doing okay
But I want you to know
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy but you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still a dick
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you

Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you

My World My Life

7:59 PM





My Simple Life ♥

This is such a cute yet lovely song!!

"Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,

Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got to have one good girl whose always been there like ya
Kno took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave

I wont up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole left life came crashin

Cant belive I hadda girl like you and I just let you walk right outta my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck
Around and stayed by my side, what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl and I had no right, I
Really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy but now so lonely

Never thought that id be alone, I didnt hope you'd be gone this long, I jus want u to come home, so stop playing girl and
Come on home come on home, baby girl I didn't mean to shout, I want me and you to work it out, I never wished Id ever
Hurt my baby, and its drivin me crazy "

My World My Life

3:34 AM





My Simple Life ♥

i met up with hanzi today. We went to golden mile to research for our overseas trip. After which we went to meet mao, have our dinner and went lucky plaza to play pool.

Received this weird call from Zikai. Asking me if i want to go over to kat's place for some mahjong. i was like "huh? mahjong with zikai and cat? tts like so no link.."

Received a msg from Jeff, he was telling me how heartbroken he is. Poor thing. Now stuck in Tekong, with a broken heart. All i could do is to encourage him thru the technology of today, the sms.

Hanzi decided to stay out later so we went over to borders to chill and started planning for our trip. I am looking forward. Just get me out of this damn place for sometime. Its getting boring.

Me has not much clubbing kaki these days. Mao cut down liao. Mery and stella is having their exams. Cant wait for them to finish their papers! but I think i will be cutting down too..

Btw, i am seriously worried about Kailin. Girl, if u see this can u pls call me?? its been a week that i have tried to get you. I am worried.

Shall meet weiling for some tanning tomorro if it doesnt rain..

My World My Life

1:44 AM



20050408

My Simple Life ♥

Everything in this house reminded me of him.

I tot i saw him sitting on my sofa watching soccer this morning. i saw his toothbrush. THe cheesecake i made specially for him. The soft toy with his smell. The desk he used to leave all his things on. The window we used to stand by at nite with his arms around my shoulders. the bed he used to sleep on and hug me when i woke up from a nightmare. the winamp with all the songs we like. the mirror that used to show our reflection when he hugs me. Now, theres only me in the reflection, teary, looking all terrible.

My biological wakes me up at 719 today. And he had send me a msg at 716.. haha..he was on his way to report. I replied to his msg. but he din reply after tt.

WIshing him all the best over here. =D

My World My Life

2:42 PM





My Simple Life ♥

Just reach home from town.. it was supposed to be a movie session to cheer me up.. in the end we ended up at KTV instead..

Mao asked me to join ming and her for Pacifier.

i m not trying to put on a brave front.. i dunno why but i just feel normal now.. must be e miracle of the ktv! or maybe its ming.. hahah..

i tot it will take me a while to reorganise myself.. never expect one day is all i need.. or rather half a day?

mm.. i dun think its called heartless rite?? 'strong' is the word i hope..i want to love myself instead of waiting to be loved!.. yup.. and i dun want my love ones to worry about me..looking at the things reminded me of him.. but i stopped crying..

And like wat ling says, it will hurt him to see me torturing myself..yup.. so i know whats the best for me..

I cried for my lost love, however, one last time when i was reading his blog.. i guess its only natural.. =)

Lala.. din eat for the entire day la.. but now that i am normal again.. of cos i feel hungry.. but decided to skip supper.. cos its fattening!

Gonna look for a job soon. Super no money now. =|

Till then, i walk alone..

My World My Life

3:59 AM



20050407

My Simple Life ♥

Yesterday:

2nd last day before dearie gets enlisted.

Planned a special surprise for him. Really hopes he likes it.

Was supposed to prepare a feast for him. BUt i couldnt wake up cos i was feeling sick. He came over at noon. Some decisions were made, but we continue our date as i have planned.

We went to GEylang for the beef horFun..it was not bad.. but i cant raelly taste it..

After which it was raining and we had to run to the opp bus stop for bus to town.. went bugis.. couldnt get the things i want for him..

We were on the cab.. and it was playing Lonely..

Headed to PS and he wanted to play X box.. tot i had join him.. but e games are rather boring to play alone.. he was playing FIFA street as usual.. we were just joking and playing around..

We wanted to have our brownie.. but then he was so obsessed with the game tt he forgot abt it.. haha..so we headed straight to ZOuk..

Saw lots of pple.. and all of them could tell i wasnt doing well.. i had hugs from my girls, weiling and mao.. i really appreciate the both of u for coming down for me...*hugs.. and not forgetting e guys, ZIkai, Itch and Ming.. it feels good to see zikai.. n thanks to him for being so concerned..

Phuture was packed.. dear wasnt in the best of mood.. he left me there with mao.. and after which i had to go out to wait for ling.. just sitting by the roadside..

Drank a bit.. but it din seem to take effect on me..

Last song for the nite was "in the end".. how apt..

Din catch a wink the entire nite.. time was too precious..

It started from clubbing and it ended with clubbing..

NOW:

Raining heavily out there. I couldnt sleep.

I m a no-music-confirm-die kinda person.. however, there was no music in my room right now.. nevertheless, certain music keeps ringing in my ears.. i cant stop it.. some past events keeps rewinding and play..

WHenever i close my eyes, i will dream. I was supposed to be tired after staying up for entire nite.. however, i only manage to sleep at 4.. and fianlly woke up at 5.. thinking tt it might be midnite already.. WTF..

Received calls from my concern girls.. thanks.. i will be fine in no time.. i m a powerpuff girl! lol..i did like wat he told me to.. to share my woes with my friends..

I believe that in certain point of time, ur path will cross with someone else's.. and this person is here for a reason.. not to bring u misery.. but make u a better person in the future.. make you learn and grow..

To you, i will be fine.. please do take care of urself.. =)

My World My Life

5:14 PM





My Simple Life ♥

This is a story about a girl who met a boy.

It started as an acquaintance, fate made them friends.

And from friends, they develop a special feeling.

For the girl, its called love. For the boy, its called infatuation

Initially, the boy was afraid to hurt. But the girl told him it was ok.

The girl never expect feelings will go that far.

So they decided to try.

..the time now is 12am.. 9th march..

It started with a kiss. Romantic but not realistic.

First kiss, first holding of hands, first hug, first i miss you, first i love you. First time the boy feel asleep on the girl's lap.

And the boy said to her " and u will be loved..."

Time spend together was nv enough for them.

The boy made the girl the happiest girl in the world.
The girl wanted to make the boy the happiest boy too.

Not a minute they could stop thinking about each other.

She will wait for him to finish work to have dinner together. Even though most of the time he has to work overtime.

They spend precious time together, just sitting down in each other's embrace.


She showered him with TLC, so did the boy.

However, the silly girl started to act different. She backed away cos she started to be afraid and unsure. She tried to blow the boy off.

The boy was hurt.

The girl dropped the first tear for him.

The boy felt different. So different from before. But he continue trying.

The girl then realise she was sorry. She tried to be the same girl again. But the boy was afraid now. He turned away from her. He thought the girl would never make him feel happy again. He started to change too.

The girl was really sorry. She cried nights over the mistake she made. But it was too late. He doesnt want to try anymore. WOrds from him were cold and harsh. the way the girl did to the boy.

More things happened and that started to pull them apart. The girl was still trying hard.

However, for the happiness of the boy, she went through internal struggle and heartache to make a major decision - SPLIT. She rememebered that she had promise the boy at the start that he should never feel stress about the relationship.

The boy accepted the decision.

It was on their 4th week. The scene turned ugly, there were lots of tears. The girl believed she had made the boy seen the worst side of her.

It was a big surprise for the boy before he goes to serve the country. They decided to go as planned for the day.

They had their last date. Ironically, it was a happy one. THey had laughs and were really happy. Just like before.

THe boy surprisingly fulfill one of her wish on her wishlist. She was happy.

Deep in the girl's heart, she felt so painful, because she know, after this night, she is going to be the past of the boy. She doesnt want the night to come. SHe wanted to spend more time with him. She wanted to have their last dessert, but they didnt.

She felt even worst when her friend called and told her somethings that make her to regret her decision.

Time still pass. THe boy send the girl home.

THey were walking down the road and she heard him humming that familiar song..

.. i cant take my eyes off you.. i cant take my eyes off you.. i cant take my eyes off you....

She cried again, but the boy din notice.

It was probably the longest and most heartbroken ride the girl have ever had. He gave her a warm peck on her cold cheek. Tears flowed.

THe girl was shattered, she tried fighting back her tears. She knew she will miss him. She didnt want to let him go. SHe wanted to hold him forever.

She has got lots to say to the boy. But other than the usual "take care" stuff, she din say much.

Last words from the boy was asking her to take care of herself and dont always carry her burden herself. THe girl just couldnt stop crying. She knew she looked terrible, but she cant help it. She wetted his shirt.

She touched his face for the one last time. and gave a peck on his cheek. One last time in each other's embrace and she closed the gate.

It ended with a kiss and plenty of tears. She din look at him when she asked him to go.

The girl is still griefing over the lost love, looking at the picture they took few days back.

She knew very well that she will be fine soon cos she is strong enough.

Deep inside, she hopes that the boy will take good care of himself...and hopefully, they can still be as friends just like at the beginning..

+The end+

My World My Life

2:32 PM



20050405

My Simple Life ♥

Basically, every thing is still e same..i m still me.. breathing and kicking..

Supposed to meet dear for lunch buffet today at Raffles.. woke up way too early so i decided to give him a surprise by dropping by Yew Tee..

BUt i was way too late.. *Shrug* the bad weather raelly dampened my mood.. normally i would love rainy days in school or at home.. cos it makes u feel calm.. however, not for a day i m happily going to meet my dear..

Spend some time talking abt us.. and well.. only both of us need to know what it is abt anyway.. =P

Went down to town for our movie and lunch.. he wanted to catch Lemony Snickets badly.. so we went to Cine to catch it.. b4 tt we had our lunch at Pasta Mania.. Mm.. damn filling lo...

Eric, weihao, michelle all gave me lots of miss calls when i was in the show.. finally i picked up eric's call and he just kept nagging why i din join them for the steamboat.. haha.. so i promised him i will go down later..

Well.. din raelly want to go cos weihao was there.. tot it may be quite awkward.. but i went for Jeff's sake.. well.. hes going tekong on thursday.. one day before my dear.. mm..

After movie, we went to get ice cream from the ice cream cart and walked towards X square for some console game.. he chose to play soccer.. and i opened another console to play Shrek 2.. mm..

An hour later, he received a call from his friend.. asking him to go shave botak together.. haha.. so he had to leave me.. and thats when i remembered i need to meet eric and guys! they gave me like 10 miss calls in 5 minutes.. super power.. haha..

dear waited for the cab with me and so i headed down to Marina South..

They were at e billiard centre there then.. playing billiard as usual .. its good to gather like tis.. and i really miss jeff and katek..

Brought back lots of memories.. only diff now is that michelle is the apple in their eyes (i m no longer the one) and weihao is nasty to me..

well.. basically what makes everything so unbearable is the thigns he said in front of me.. i dunno what he is trying to prove.. n i just hate such losers.. or maybe i m just being sensitive.. he just back off when i told him i will be cabbing home with eric and guys.. i dont really care..hope he can wake up his idea soon..

Jeff started crapping in front of weihao abt the guy i m seeing right now is a basketball player and looks like him blah blah.. haha.. crazy guy..

Some laughters and chats with eric, michelle and jeff.. jeff looks good now.. but i think he will look damn funny with a botak head.. katek is as usual quiet.. and we headed home..

Me, eric, katek, jeff shared cab home together..was talking abt his booking out day on the 22nd.. haha..and how we are going to celebrate katek's birthday the coming week..

Overall, i had a nice day today with my boy.. hope he feels the same too.. its also nice to see the irn pple.. hope we can meet up again soon..

3 days to go.. i m planning a surprise for him on wed.. hope everything can go as planned..

love you..

My World My Life

2:04 AM



20050404

My Simple Life ♥

EVerything seems so wrong.. haiz..

woke up at 1 plus today.. wanted to slack home for all i care but decided i need to take a breather...

met YC at Marina SQ for dinner.. and yup.. his usual flirting nonsense at work (j/j!) and my current life affairs kept our topics flowing..

it always feel good to talk to him.. it always feel good knowing someone cares for u..

decided to catch a movie since its like still early.. chose Eye 10.. aha.. his gf is gonna kill him i guess.. cos hes supposed to watch it with her..

Had a game of pool since it was still early.. decided to practice a bit so tt next time can play with my dear.. o well.. my skill is still sucky as usual.. haha..

Eye 10 was a funny show.. its not scary.. and the story line is kinda corny.. mm.. wats interesting is the 10 ways to see supernatural bodies.. mm.. not recommended for a weekend show..

MIssed our last train cos we spend some time at MS to talk.. so yup.. haf to cab home.. felt bad cos his gf kinda quarreled with him.. its kinda funny when he told me his gf doesnt allow him to see me at all.. haha.. mm.. i must be really threatening eh? Lol..

My World My Life

3:54 AM