♥ *+ OuR StoRy +*

♥ 20110624

My Simple Life ♥

its just one of those nights.. that i feel like blogging before i sleep.

just reached home from an overdue meeting w ling. it was great :) havent felt so relax in a long long time (except w my bb hehe). we met for dinner @ raffles city. she was so late lo.. which gives me awhile to go shopping..

i have been so broke and lazy that i haven step into any shops ever since japan? went to forever new and i LOVE each and every of their things. but its just way too expensive. 90 for a top? nah.
after tt she drove us to robertson quay to have desserts! it was an awesome night for alfresco dining! had a wonderful night because she went to pick her darling.

*BRB apply lip balm*

i used to have soft and supple lips u noe? like i bought my first lipbalm 3 yrs ago, but i don use it v frequently. nowadays i almost cannot survive without my lip balm :( and its so hard to find one tt doesnt taste weird & moisturising at the same time. to be on the safest side, always choose menthol. :)

argh, its just so painful if i don mositurise it enough!

ok back to tonight.

it was really fruitful night like she said. we talked alot, shared alot. she listened to me saying things that she never expected to come out from my mouth. hahah..well, i m a grown up now! from all the intense "training" hehe.

anyway we are damn happy for her. theres just smthing abt this new guy tt makes us think tt weiling will be v happy with him. :)

i had the best sleep last night in about a week or so? especially since tt faithful sat night sigh. the moment i close my eyes, i have flashes of what happened tt night =/

but last night was awesome, i slept at 12 odd and he, surprisingly slept too. since usually he wil be just playing game until wee hours. there was a thunderstorm in the middle of the night i think and the weather just become so perfect for sleep.

i wake up next to him smiling at me, and wet pillow from his drools. hahah.

tts really my definition of happiness. feeling safe & loved w the man u wanna be close with. i really feel damn well rested for my mind & body. and i m glad i did, cos it was a pretty sucky day at work :(

**

4 days after tt incident, i m trying my best not to tink abt it, especially when i am alone.

it just seems to me that, he recover really fast after the fight and i have to be more independent to deal w the recovery =/ i think hes prob trying to get over it by behaving like usual.

but all's good now. i m glad we are still able continue to work towards what we want. some pple give up that right because of pride.

sad to say, i always use my pride to make alot of decision. but nowadays pride would prob not mean anything to me than a chance to try again. as much i hate myself for that. i think it is good that i am learning how to make sacrifices now.

♥ My World My Life

12:38 AM

♥ 20110619

My Simple Life ♥

cried myself to sleep at 4..didnt slp well at all.

i keep having waking dreams. i keep checking my phone.

i even dreamt that, he called me at 10am this morning...

then to realise, its just a dream.

i wake up at 1. feeling still the pain in the chest. the fear of not knowing what will happen..

what was supposed to be the best birthday evar, turn out to be a nightmare.

i hate myself. like kailin say why cant i be smarter to pick a fight when hes sober. why cant i just wait.

i hate myself for not being able to keep my cool. i hate myself for begging him not to go.

if we cannot pass this ordeal, i only have myself to blame for ruining my own game.

at tt moment i just wish he could calm down and i could have told him that, i love and i trust him. its true. i merely wanted to tell him, i m not comfortable abt what i saw, can he take note. but he refused to listen to me and left. i didnt have a chance to explain, which is what always happen, he wouldnt let me speak when hes angry.

maybe its because i share my random tots w him every now and then, he feels tt i don have trust in him.

but when i share most of those random tots, they are usually funny tots that we can both laugh about.

yes, i always share w my friends that i know he is the one. but i m not 100% sure if it will work out, because i m afraid i will be suffocating him. he wont be happy. but i have never ever say i dont trust him.

my trust for him is so much that it keeps me going from day to day.

perhaps its just me. perhaps, i m just a pessimistic, emo, pathetic woman.

this is the first time that i am so afraid tt he is ready to let me go, after so much we have went through. so many things we have built. so many chances i gave him..

i will pray, because i will never be able to breathe without him. .

i love u baby. hold my hand again and tell tt to me again.

but i am not sure if my pride allows me to go back again..

♥ My World My Life

1:28 PM

♥ 20110605

My Simple Life ♥

In that dream, we were sitting down in a cafe. chatting like friends. i woke up, feeling good.

maybe, or at least i tot, that one day we can be friends. no matter what, we were each other's best friends for 5 yrs. .

little did i know, the dream was a sign to me.

it was because of the dream, i noticed that i haven seen u on fb chat for quite some time. out of curiosity, i went to search my fb list, and then i realised, i have been removed from your friend's list, and blocked cos i cant even search for it.

nice move there.

whatever reasons you may have for removing me so long after we broke up, be it u hate seeing my posts, ur gf made u do it or u just wan me completely out of your life, i hope u find joy in doing that.

i understand the rationale for doing that, but it doesnt mean i enjoy seeing myself being deleted.

whatever u did shows that you want me completely out of your life. sure. no problem about that, it will relieves me from whatever guilt i had.

i always wonder what will i do if i were to bump into you on the street. now, the answer is very clear to me.

i will pretend i dont know you.

♥ My World My Life

10:29 PM